Taking care of yourself first can improve your mood, energy, coping skills, and relationships.
***Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical, legal, or health advice and is not a substitute for mental health services
Put yourself first. Prioritize yourself. Practice self-care. These are all things that you know you need to do. So why is it so hard? People pleasing behaviour that leads you to put other people first can make it very hard for you to see your own worth, which makes it even harder for you to take care of yourself as a top priority.
This doesn't mean though that it's impossible to focus on your needs. Small steps toward positive life changes can feel more realistic. Take the smallest step toward prioritizing yourself. This could mean saying "no" when someone asks you to see them on a date/time that doesn't work for you and offering an alternative option or several options that fit with your schedule instead.
It could also be setting a limit, for example, where you agree to see your parents or in-laws on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis and that you aren't available to visit them both Saturday or Sunday or for extended periods of time if you have other commitments or need some time for yourself.
Take a moment to reflect on what it would feel like to make some space in your calendar for yourself or other things that are important to you. Aside from the initial pang of guilt and shame, what else do you notice? Do you feel a sense of relief? Like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders? Perhaps a sense of ease or freedom? Notice what comes up for you.
Does the extra breathing room in your day or week help you feel better - less anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed? That might be enough to help start you on a journey of prioritizing your needs more regularly. Here are some other examples of reasons why you should try to put yourself first:
You gain more energy
Your day involves so many tasks and things to do. It might include getting your kids ready for day care or school, making the long commute to work, dealing with a never-ending to-do list at your job, rushing back home to make dinner and do the bedtime routine, and finally crashing on the couch for a half hour before you go to bed.
We have real and important responsibilities that we have to take care of each and every day. But what if we also took some time for ourselves? Could you take a full lunch break? Wake up a half hour earlier or go to bed a half hour earlier to give yourself some "me" time at the start and end of the day?
Setting aside small chunks of time for yourself at different points in the day might help you feel more relaxed and refreshed as you tackle your to-do list.
You can handle stressors and challenges more easily
When we face a stressor or challenge, it can cause us to feel very anxious and overwhelmed. When our tank is running on empty, we have even less of a reserve to cope effectively with these situations.
Taking time for yourself can help you refuel so that you are more able to deal with whatever life throws your way.
You stay more grounded and centered during life transitions
Change can be stressful. Adjusting to new phases of life - getting married, buying your first home, having your first child, retiring, etc. - these are all major changes that can be hard to navigate. You might feel overwhelmed with all of the options and struggle to make important decisions.
Reflect on what you need and give yourself the space and time to fulfill those needs. This can set you up for success when the time comes to go through these changes. If you feel that you need to have more time in the evenings and weekends to do some research or exploration about a looming change, then this may mean that you hold off on some social or other non-essential commitments for awhile. Devoting time to feel extra prepared will be well worth it to give you some peace of mind.
You have enough internal resources to focus on creativity and personal growth
Survival mode doesn't allow you to have much energy left for enjoyable activities. A low bandwidth could leave you with little internal resources left to engage in the things you enjoy, like art, music, reading, or other activities that could give you a creative outlet, help you grow as a person, or just help you relax at the end of a long day or week.
Reclaiming time for yourself can assist you in building a buffer so that you can view life as less of an expectation to fulfill obligations and more about finding joy in simple and pleasurable things in life.
You develop a greater capacity to be there for others
This may sound counterintuitive, but practicing self-care actually helps you support other people in your life in a more meaningful way. This happens because you will feel less burned out, less irritable, and less frustrated when others request something of you if you feel rested and at ease. You will react more calmly and engage better with others as a result.
This is the idea of putting on your oxygen mask first before assisting others; you can't help them if you've run out of oxygen yourself.
So ga ahead - try this strategy out and see what kind of difference it can make in your important relationships.
Final Thoughts
Learning to identify your own needs and honour them can be uncomfortable, especially if this is a new idea that you're exploring for the first time. The key is trying to get comfortable with discomfort. Sitting with these feelings as you try to add in more "me" time into your life is often a first step. Like most challenges, it usually gets easier over time.
If you can continue to practice putting yourself first, you will begin to see the positive effects it can have on your life in terms of your mood, energy, coping skills, and your relationships.
Wishing you well on your mental health journey.
Davina Tiwari MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist
If you are an adult in Ontario, Alberta, or British Columbia seeking online therapy and would like to request a free 15 minute phone consultation, please Book An Appointment.